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  One day I was bored and thought to write some more lines, I felt like that, so all the day I was writing stuff and did quite well. I can't say that all these words are my, some thoughts are from some lyrics or words I heard while watching TV or listening to music.

  So I call this my second Digest, the first one is only available in Lithuanian language, I can't translate it due to my principals. Anyway, you might call this my first English Digest, but it has a name and is called "Broken Trees" - the name does not mean a lot, but I don't feel like writing an interpretation about it. 

  Read  » | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | 5th | 6th | 7th | 8th | 9th | 10th |
    » | 11th | 12th | 13th | 14th | 15th | 16th | 17th | 18th | 19th | 20th |

1st ***

What is this?
Who are you?
Do you wonder why I prefer to be alone?
I have realized what I could have been.
I am coming to an end.
I admit I've lost control.
Lost control...

2nd ***

In my eyes you're alive.
In my dreams you're dead.
I can't do what you do.
I don't want what you want.
In your eyes, I am evil.
In your dreams, I am nothing.
I see myself, empty.
No matter what I do,
No matter what I say,
I can't change what happened.

3rd ***

I feel free when I see.
But it can't be, life is gone.
I am not mean, but I must die.
I am blind when I am dead.
But it can't be: my heart is beating.
I am to kind for this life.
Who am I?

4th ***

Since you have been gone.
I've been lost, lost in time.
I've got to say that now.
I can't find a way, the right way.
How I need you, I need you.
But that does not matter anymore.
Our paths has changed,
Our desires has changed,
It’s best the way it is.

5th***

I've been crying from the inside.
You just sleep, fool yourself.
It's been lonely, cold winter.
I had to fight, had to find.
I don't want to, I don't want.
I can't change what happened,
You're the cause of my condition,
No matter what will happen.
Just leave me alone, alone as…
I am happy, happy to be alone.
I just sleep, sleep and fool myself.

6th ***

I feel am dying, above you.
I dream I am flying, far away.
Even if you trying, to stop me.
There is no way back, no way.

I feel so close now…
He is waiting for me, down there,
I will kill him with my own hands,
Someone has to do it, it's me.
I am sorry for the pain.

7th ***

I am dreaming for the blind.
My visions are for the blind.
I try to murder the blind.
I am blind, I am frozen.
My frozen tears my blind pain.
What is my destiny?
Maybe I always knew,
That my dreams would break.
I feel like pain again, empty.

8th ***

I trusted you to much, to much.
I gave you too much, too much.
I knew you lied, I resumed.
I always knew, my broken visions,
are empty as my pain, pathetic pain.
I am dying faster, but nothing lasts for me,
I can damn you, but I have to laugh,
So you better watch your back, I am evil.
Nothing left, but to kill myself again.
Yes, I am falling, how much longer?
I am pissed off of my condition,
I am pathetic as our opposition.

9th ***

The time has come and here I am.
Why should I give you my hand?
I could never turn to you again.
I can't trust you anymore.
I am sinking, drowning fast.
I want you to come with me,
I like to see you fucking TRY!
Silence is for the weak,
Avoidance is for the lost,
You die in my eyes.
What I mean to you? WHAT?!

10th ***

I opened my mind and got scared.
Darken by my entire life,
Scared about the Future,
Never want to hear another "No" again.
I celebrate the holocaust,
I am the one to be gone,
I am the victim of it, but alive.
Life is not pleasant, death hurts a lot.
Avoiding the public, thinking of myself.
There is no escape from this, fear, regret..
Visions of love and hate, behind my eyes.
I wish I didn't know that.
Memories punish me once again.
I always wonder what might have been..

11th ***

Searching for the path.
Finding nothing what I want.
Trying to forget the future and the past.
I don't think this is my way,
I wasn't born for this. I need more TIME!
My trust and loyalty is pure,
But is worthless, no one wants it.
Nobody needs it, I don't need it myself.
I want to live another life.

12th ***

I will never make the same mistake.
I will find a way, my way.
Have you ever said? I won't?
I continue to make the same mistakes.
I can't help it, I am like that.
When I will be there, listen to me.

The weakness of my hope,
Is something I really don't need?
What I am supposed to do?
I shut the door and runaway,
Is this right? I don't care.

13th ***

Suicide is not the way,
But I can't find another way.
Walking out alone, no way to go.
Don't know what to do,
Don't know where to look.
Visions create the path,
Dreams show the path,
Reality makes me disappoint of my path.
My life is passing by,
I can't catch my train, I'm always late.
Standing on the shore with no hope,
When will my train arrive?
How long I will be waiting?
I am empty, I am gone..

14th ***

Alone as water in the sea,
Waves carrying the sewage.
I am too pure to be carried.
No one wants me, even the birds.
I want to drown, I can't.
I want to swim, I can't.
I want to dive, I can't.
I don't want to wait, I can.
I don't want to, I can.
I never wanted, I did.
No solution to choose from,
No way to reach my objective.
Put a mask, close the door,
Forget your life forever.

15th ***

I went far away from you,
But someday we will meet again,
Crying and laughing together.
But the wounds in my soul..
Never could be healed again,
There is a lot of what to forget.
I admit I can't reach my happiness.
It is to far away, it is gone.
I can't feel it, but I remember it.
My thoughts are pain for me,
My thoughts are my success.
Thoughts are useless as deeds.
Forget, forget everything..
Nothing left anymore.

16th ***

I call it unreal, I call it..
The mirage which they call life,
Hovering in you is pathetic.
Brainwashing…
Flashback…

Nothing is worth it,
Wake up, destroy the mirage.
Be dead in their world, be alive in our world.
The Satan is waiting for you!
You can ask why, but I don't have an answer.
Nothing is true, everything is false.
The God forgot you, the Satan needs you!

17th ***

Withdraw out of my dreams,
Get away somewhere else,
I hate you, I want to kill you.
Your head will be in my arm,
Your body will be burning hot.
Birds and flowers will decorate your palace.
And you don't remember us anymore too.
We are independent and we don't need you.
You left us to suffer; now you will be the one,
to suffer the loneliness and this pain.
You forgot us, now we will forget you.

18th ***

These words are my forgiveness,
For myself and for you.
Did you hear that? That sound?
Does it mean anything for you?
The sadness of knifed heart... My heart,
Your knife.
I fear what lies ahead.
I still have your knife.
I keep your things in paradise,
I don't know why I am doing this.
But I feel temples rising in my heart,
They fall when they rise.
So I will cut my heart,
Goodbye forever and Sorry.

19th ***

Feelings: above, beneath, behind.
They change, they continue and freeze.
My thoughts fall as tears,
My strength runs away, far away.
I can't feel myself,
I can't understand myself,
I don't know what I have become.
I hate myself, I love myself.
I want to suffer, I want to feel pain.
I hate to feel good, I want to be evil.
I don't like myself, when I am evil,
I don't like when I am good.
No emotions, no devotions..
Take my hand, love me.

20th ***

When I close my eyes,
I see the mankind die.
When I open my eyes,
I see the mankind dead.
Everything must stop,
Reality must sleep and dream.
Dreams must come true,
Please, God, at least for a while?
Where I could take a deep breath,
Under an oak: together and forever.
Feeling the grass and more.
Smiling and being happy; a pure moment.
My dream is over, I have lost it..
Lost it forever, no control.



  These lines were written in the year 2006, Spring, but it was still quite cold. They are also available at my Quatrux Google Site where in fact the main idea for them appeared, I was writing them in the Google Page Creator Panel.

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